It was the usual scenario... u have ballet tomorrow morning and always have difficulty waking up on a Saturday. We had asked you to sleep an hour ago but you were still not ready for bed and it's half past 11. After numerous rounds of asking nicely and being ignored, I ultimately have to change my tone so that everyone gets things done immediately. You were reprimanded and stormed off into your room shouting, "Don't make me angry. I'll kill you!". You used to flee in fear but now you retaliate with angry words and actions.
My heart is aching not because you said those words. My heart is aching because you are becoming more and more like me. You remind me so much of myself when I was younger. I have not prayed enough but always wish that history will not be repeated and you will have a better relationship with your parents and brothers than I ever had. Sadly, I have not displayed enough grace to change the course of your emotional path. I can only pray now that the Holy Spirit will nib this early in the bud to not let it brew anymore. And it starts with me. May the Lord have mercy on me and may you find the will to forgive me for what I have done to you, my beloved baby.
Love you always,
Ma